strange enough

it feels the same way every time...

i get physically sick to my stomach. my legs feel weak. i find it hard to breathe normally.

you'd think that speaking in public would cause me to have this reaction. that or starting a new job. i don't think it's normal to have this response when you are merely speaking up for yourself.

when it's all said and done, i usually end up having some sort of false guilt or remorse. it's weird. i convince myself that i shouldn't have done or said what i did; like i don't deserve to share my thoughts or opinions with anyone. it's really weird.

last night i spoke my mind. i was still sick leading up to it and maybe a little while i was doing it, but strangely enough....

no guilt.
no remorse.
no self-loathing.

just a peace.
maybe that means i'm growing as a person.
maybe it's confirmation that i did the right thing.
maybe, just maybe.....