conflicted

i can't for the life of me figure out why i continually doubt the person that i am. i know i'm not perfect. i know i've got flaws, a lot of them. i know there are things in my life that i need to change. i know i don't always treat people the way i should. i know all those things, but at the same time i know, deep down, that my life has value. i know that i am a good person. i know that my life matters. i know that i have so much to offer: i'm a good friend. i'm trustworthy. i love people wholeheartedly.

i know all these things. in my heart, i know them and don't doubt them; most days.

but for some reason, when someone fails to see me in the way i want them to, i begin to doubt everything about myself. i begin to compare myself to all these people that i'm nothing like and never will be like. i begin to think there's something wrong with me. i start to doubt my value at all.

i know my value is not tied to any other human. i know where my value lies. i know who defines and fulfills me in the deepest parts. i know in my heart who validates beka.

what i don't know is why it's so hard to get my head and heart to agree?
my heart says that He fulfills me, while my head says he does.
or maybe it's the other way around. i'm conlficted. that's all i know right now.
i hope and pray that one day we can call agree.